when you least expect it...

That's what we kept hearing when we were trying to get pregnant. Try not to think about it so much...things will happen when you relax and least expect it. That statement never felt true for us. How could we NOT think about it? It was something that required lots of thought and planning and timing and testing and and and...how could we relax, not think about it? Turns out we just needed something else to focus our attention on. When we started our parenting/adoption classes we were still trying but it became something that moved a little more to the back of our mind. We had decided to have more patience and just not put so much pressure on ourselves. When the test showed I was ovulating we were excited but we'd been there before. I'd ovulated before, we'd been inseminated before and we'd been disappointed before. We made an appointment for the insemination, let out little squeals of glee, and went back to focusing on our adoption/parenting classes.

The day came for insemination, there were more squeals of glee, nervousness, fingers crossed and we got to experience a really awesome moment together as a couple. It's obviously a very sterile, clinical environment when one is inseminated in the medical office setting. Not the most romantic place in the world. :) But our doctor (once she got past telling me how fat I was) let Jen push the button on the syringe, finished up and then let us have some time together. They ask that you stay lying down for 20 minutes. As the doctor left she said good luck with a smile, that she'd come check on me in 20 minutes and closed the door quietly. Jen, still holding my hand, smiled at me just as I let out a huge sigh and some tears to go with it. Everything I'd been holding in just came out. The nervousness, the frustration, the shock of being lectured for 15 minutes about my weight, the excitement, the love for my wife, our life. So many emotions...I just couldn't hold everything in. Jen wiped my tears, kissed me and kept a hold of my hand. We just sat there in the quiet, each of us hoping and praying it had worked, pushing all of our good energy towards the positive.

And it was in that moment that I knew it had. It felt different. I felt different. Maybe it was just extremely wishful thinking but I knew I was pregnant. Eventually the doctor came in, answered some questions, wished us good luck again, and we were on our way. We had a nice, relaxing lunch together and then went home to rest. Immediately my body felt different. Pains I hadn't felt before, bloating, really really tired. And then my nose went crazy and I could smell everything! I started to get queasy in the mornings. I was falling asleep every night after dinner. And still that feeling that I just knew. Even before a test was taken or I had any confirmation. I just knew.

January 31st...2 weeks to the day we'd been inseminated and the longest we were willing to wait to find out. I took a pregnancy in the morning and it didn't give any result. Dang thing was busted! So I brought another one with me to work and waited until the lunch hour (and when I had to pee again! haha!) Ever the ideal place to find out if you're pregnant or not but I worked with what I had. I sat there, under the glare of the flourescent light, when the word I'd been looking for popped up: pregnant. I twisted and turned the test, looking at the word, trying to find the best light, making sure there wasn't a "not" on the display screen. Nope, just pregnant. My suspicions had been confirmed and I was holding in those squeals of glee!

I ran back to my desk and emailed Jen right away to ask if she wanted to have lunch. She said "sure, what's going on?" and my response was "I just thought we could talk about how to decorate the nursery". She knew instantly and sent me a response that said "OH MY GOD!" I went to her building and met her at her moms office, who works in the same building. We got giant hugs and congratulations from her and went to lunch. We must have looked crazy...walking around with these goofy smiles on our face and shaking our heads in disbelief. :) Every once in a while those little squeals of glee would escape and we'd start laughing. We are going to be parents!

And now we're at week 14. We've gotten to see the baby at two different ultrasounds and hear the heart beat. Everything indicating that things are going great and the baby is growing well and is healthy. Our last ultra sound we got to see little Sprout wiggle and kick his or her feet and move their hands. At one point, annoyed that the tech was pushing on my belly, Sprout flipped around and showed us his/her back. Like "okay, I'm done. Stop pushing on me." Miracle is the only word I can think of to describe it. I layed there, Jen sitting next to me holding my hand, watching our son or daughter flip around and wiggle and move and live. Miracle.